That is how I feel right at this very minute.
You can have consistent good days for a few weeks and then all of a sudden, something happens, and you feel like you're back to square one. Then those good days just vanish and it's like they never happened.
I used to be so sure of myself. I've never been particularly confident, but I always felt like I knew what I wanted and what I was about and where I was going. I would get nervous and doubt if I could do things, but there was still that glimmer of positivity that pushed me into achieving the things that I wanted.
Now? I doubt everything. I look in the mirror and I don't know myself anymore. My job and the people I work for have sucked every last bit of self-assurance that I had left. I can't even look at another job advertisement without feeling physically sick because a little voice is telling me:
"Don't even fucking bother looking because you can't do it. You can't do anything."
I know I need to get out of there. But knowing and actually doing something about it are two completely different things.
I currently feel like I've wasted the last 6 fucking years of my life. Yes, I've earned a qualification in the process and yes, I've met a couple of amazing friends...one friend in particular that has become my best, but other than that? The rest is just fucking bullshit.
I'm just so fucking tired.
Heart, Zoe x
